Activity 2-5:
Using "I" Messages

Purpose: Participants will practice using "I" messages to help move a conversation in a positive and productive direction.

Materials
Handout 8

Process
Start out the activity by stating, "You really don't like working with me, do you?" Wait for the participants' response. Then ask them to describe how they felt when you said that. Explain that if they felt offended or put off, it is because you were using a kind of communication blocker called a "you" message. You were attributing a feeling to them rather than honestly stating your own feelings "You" messages tend to turn people off because they feel they are being blamed, attacked or pigeonholed.

Next, explain that in contrast to "you" messages there is a kind of communication helper called "I" messages. With "I" messages, the speaker takes responsibility by attaching the expressed opinion to himself or her self. Demonstrate this by showing how you could rephrase your original statement as an "I" message, thus: "When I give you all these hard assignments, I worry that you won't like working with me." Ask participants for their reactions to the statement phrased in that form.

Give participants Handout 8, Using "I" Messages. Read through the examples, and have participants work singly or in pairs to convert the "you" messages on the worksheet to "I" messages.

Debriefing
Direct participants to pay attention in the conversations they have in the next week for times when they or others use "I" messages and "you" messages. Ask for them to pay attention to what happens when either kind of statement is used.

Module 2 | Activity 2-4

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