One of the more difficult and sensitive tasks facing the preschool teacher is helping children understand and deal with their sexuality
Talking about body parts, such as arms, legs, eyes and noses is fun and natural. There are many songs and circle activities that encourage children to learn about and care for these parts of the body.
However, some of us feel uncomfortable and unsure when it comes to the topic of sexuality and the words for the genital parts of our bodies. Many of us were raised in an atmosphere of silence and anxiety about sexuality. We were not taught about our own bodies or given the proper names for our genitals.
Despite our discomfort, it is important to develop confidence and skills in terms of providing sexuality education. We are in a position to help this generation of children develop healthy attitudes about all parts of their bodies. This, in turn, contributes to their self-esteem. Also, when children have clear information, open communication, and feelings of self-worth, they are better prepared to avoid exploitation by others.
What can you do to begin? The most important thing is to acknowledge to yourself that sexuality is a difficult topic. Talk with co-workers and parents and you will realize that many of them are struggling with the same issues.
Recognize that it is part of normal development for children to explore their sexuality. When preschool children play at "mommy," "daddy," or other adult roles, explore their bodies, masturbate, or ask "Where do babies come from?", they are moving through a necessary stage in their growth.
Take time at a staff meeting to discuss your approach to sexuality education in the preschool classroom. Decide together what words you will use with children. Help each other consider what individual children may be seeking. Often, a young child wants and needs only simple responses to her questions. "Yes, the baby is living inside her body in a special place called the uterus." Take time to educate yourself.
Next, talk about your own discomfort, concerns, and ideas with parents, individually or in parent meetings. Often parents fear what others may teach their children about sexuality. They want to be their children's teachers, but often don't know where to begin. Create an alliance with parents, sharing concerns and working together toward a plan for education.
When working with young children, consistency and repetition are necessary. Families each have their own words for the genitals and children will use the words they know. In discussing the issue with parents, let them know you will accept the word the child uses, but you will also help them learn the correct name for the body part. Giving children the correct names tells them that the genitals are a normal part of the body.
Discussion of sexuality does not need to be a circle activity. Children learn best in situations where there is a "teachable moment." This is a time when something comes up during the day that gives you a chance to talk about sexuality. It may be questions during toilet time, a slang word a child uses, having a pregnant staff person or visitor, or a trip to a farm to see baby animals.
When these moments arise, remember the information you give is not nearly as important as the attitude you are demonstrating - that you will answer their questions openly and honestly. Children need ask able adults, so they can grow and develop positive feelings about their own emerging sexuality.
Beginning to work with preschool children in sexuality
education will often be a slow process for both parents and teachers. It
takes time to learn about sexuality and to feel comfortable using the language.
Be patient with yourself and encourage parents to do the same.
| Benefits:
Materials: Groundwork: |
By discussing what it is like to be grown up, children begin to understand
and accept the process of physical growth.
Bright light, plain wall or screen, photos from home. Ask the children to bring in family photos representing people of all ages. A note or phone call to parents will help them remember. Include yourself and other staff. Using all the photos, design a "Growing Up" bulletin board. If some families do not have photos, make a point of including them in pictures you take in class or on home visits. |
| The Experience: | Use the bulletin board to begin a discussion of the growing process.
In a small group, share impressions and feelings. "What happens to our
bodies when we get bigger? As you grow, what new things will you be able
to do? How do you feel about growing up?" Talk about some of your own childhood
experiences and feelings.
Next, introduce the idea of using a bright light to throw body shadows on the wall. "Let's see how big you might be when you grow up. Let each child who wants to participate take a turn. Continue the discussion. Some children will have ideas about what they want to be or do when they grow up. Others may want to stay just the way they are. "I don't want to get big. I don't want to do that shadow." When everyone has had a chance to be in the spotlight, acknowledge the fun of imagining and appreciate them for being who they are. "It is fun to pretend that you're bi g... or little. I enjoy being with you as you are." Doing this experience during free play gives children plenty of time to talk or move on to related dramatic play activities. You may want to plan a follow-up. Be prepared with some new dress-up clothes or props and ask, "Who would like to be grown-ups? Or babies?" Then, help them choose roles. |
| Refection's: | This experience gives children a good opportunity to explore their
feelings, positive and negative, about growing up and being boys and girls.
"It's fun to grow up." "I like when you say that about being a baby. It's
funnier than big" "I don't want to get whiskers!" Their acceptance of these
feelings is part of accepting themselves and their sexuality.
You are integral to the process. Listen carefully and reflect your impressions. "Sometimes it feels good to pretend you are a baby, doesn't it?" Help them explore their thoughts. "What would be fun about being grown up?" |
| Benefits:
Groundwork: |
By imagining what they could be or do when they grow up, girls and
boys begin to consider the many options they have.
When you relate to children, do you consider sex stereotyping? Research has shown that many teachers are more attentive to boys, although in highly critical ways. Girls are often encouraged to be well-behaved and out-of-the-way. Boys are touched less than girls, and asked less often about their feelings. Girls frequently encounter negative adult reactions when they try to assert themselves. Observe the body language and behavior of the girls and boys in your class. Become conscious of your own biases and opinions, and consider your responses and language. Read through some of your favorite children's books and notice what roles are assigned to the characters. What is assumed? Is it assumed on the basis of sex alone? Can boys as well as girls cry and be sad? Can girls express anger and be physical? Are adult men and women portrayed in a variety of ways? |
| The Experience: | During a quiet, small-group time or a meal, ask "What could you be
when you grow up?" Let the children brainstorm the many possibilities.
Suggest a few unusual occupations which may not be familiar to the children.
Talk about each one. "What does someone do when working at this job? What
would you like about this work? Does the person earn money? Does a man
or woman usually do this job? Could either one do it? Why, or why not?"
Invite the children to talk about the work their parents, relatives, or
adult friends do.
Find photos or stories that relate to the roles the children have mentioned and bring these in throughout the year. Continue to talk informally as the interest arises. One center did this experience using photographs of women in the experience with a song "I want to be a ______________." The children took turns standing and filling in the blank. |
| Reflections: | It is important that you challenge sexual stereotypes. Are there other
materials in the block area besides those that promote rough and tumble
play? ...in the housekeeping corner besides playing with dolls and cooking?
Are there dress-up clothes for boys? Do girls' dress-ups include professional
clothing? Can boys play with dolls without being teased? Does everyone
use real tools, such as hammers and measuring cups? It is particularly
in these areas of the preschool classroom that children begin to rehearse
for later life, try out possibilities, practice roles, and entertain new
ideas.
In one center, two children shared their negative feelings about having working mothers. As a result, the center director contacted the parents, suggesting ways to help these children deal with their distress. |
| Variations: | Invite adults of both sexes into the classroom to talk about their occupations. Ask the adults to discuss their jobs, their uniforms, or the tools of their trade. Include parents of the children. Take field trips to places of work. Display photos of men and women at work. By including a wide range of roles for both sexes, you will help children learn that their sexuality is a source of opportunity, rather than limitation. |
| Benefits:
Groundwork: The Experience: |
This song builds self-awareness and gives children a "relating" experience.
Use the tune or "Skip to My Lou" for this movement song. Begin this song with everyone standing in a circle. The words will provide the directions as you go along.
Stand around the circle - if you please. Stand around the circle - one, two, three. Shadow just like me. Clap your hands - one, two, three.
Find a neighbor - one, two, three.
Have the children pair up and use the following lines to create verses like those above:
Put your foot on your neighbors foot. Put your hand in your neighbor's hand. Put your back on your neighbor's back. Put your cheek on your neighbor's cheek. And dance, dance - one, two, three. |
Dr. Haim Ginott, author of Between Parent and Child and Teacher and Child tells us that praise should be for the child's efforts and accomplishments, rather than her character and personality. "Praise has two parts: our words and the child's inferences. Our words should state clearly that we appreciate the child's effort, work, achievement, help, consideration or creation. Our words should be so framed that the child will almost inevitably draw from them a realistic conclusion about his personality."5 For example:
- Helpful Praise: Thank you for picking up the blocks
during clean-up time.
Possible inference: I am helpful.
Praise is kind of tricky. Many of us feel somewhat uncomfortable, both giving and receiving it. Usually it feels pretty good, but sometimes we don't think it is true. However, most children seldom have trouble accepting and returning praise. One teacher commented, "1 have noticed as kids are praised they learn to praise and regard others."
Try thinking of praise in terms of some different words - appreciation, showing regard for, encouragement, thanks, or reinforcement. With preschool children, be specific. "Thank you for giving Jenny a turn on the swing." 'That's a nice job of getting your boots on, Seth." "Good idea, Jeremy. That's a favorite book for lots of you. Can you find it on the shelf?"
Also, be as immediate as possible. At noontime, it is hard for a four-year-old to be thanked for something she did at 9:00 a.m.
As you work with a group of children, you may notice some who seem overwhelmed by being praised in front of other people. A meaningful look, gesture, or pat on the shoulder can be a private way of communicating praise, thanks, or regard.
Make your praise genuine and only one of many forms of
communication. Taking time for a meaningful discussion with a child, one
that takes her seriously or reflects shared amusement or joy, can be the
nicest kind of regard.
| Benefits:
Materials: Groundwork:
The Experience: |
Becoming aware of their special qualities helps children develop self-awareness
and self-esteem.
Paper and pen. On a daily basis, compliment children on their unique qualities. Be specific. Practice pointing out personality traits, physical attributes, things they do well, and positive behaviors. Working with one child at a time, ask her what she likes about herself. Draw out her ideas with discussion and questions. 'What are you good at? What do you like about your body? What is something your family likes about you? How do you feel about that? There are many ways you help during the day - tell me about one." Suggest your own ideas only if the child is having difficulty. Ask one or two of the child's friends what they like about her. Record some of each child's comments for her BOOK ABOUT ME. |
| Reflections: | In one center, three year old Tommy held up a finger and said, "I like
my finger. I like my thumb, too." As Tommy learned to receive compliments
and had more opportunities to learn about himself, he discovered other
things he liked.
The children may also mention things they don't like. Listen, acknowledging
their feelings. "You wish you could run faster." "You wish you had more
friends."
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| At Preschool: Why We Do What We Do: What You Can Do at Home: |
We try to help the children feel good about many aspects of themselves.
Everyday we praise their efforts and accomplishments and notice their special
qualities. From time to time, we talk individually with the children about
themselves. "What do you like to do? What is something your family likes
about you? What do you know how to do?" We write down part of these conversations
and put them in each child's BOOK ABOUT ME.
Feeling good about ourselves is important to our mental health. When a child likes herself, she is better able to learn, try new things, make choices, and say "no" to things that are not good for her. She believes she is capable. These positive attitudes contribute to her self-esteem. You can help your child build self-esteem. Listen to her when she talks about her life. Show her you are interested. What does she like to do by herself or with others? What does she like about herself? Praise her efforts and accomplishments. "I like the way you help me sort the laundry." When you have shared a pleasant talk or experience with your child, make a brief note on a slip of paper. Your notes might say things like: - playing at the park
- reading a story before bed
Keep these slips of paper in a jar. From time to time, let your child pick one. Read it to her and have fun talking, and remembering. Do the activity again and again. Small children really enjoy knowing their parents were once little. Talk about your childhood and what you like to do. Look at old photos together. Let your child know what you like about yourself. |
| Benefits:
Materials: Groundwork: The Experience: |
Uninhibited work with clay is a safe and satisfying way for children
to physically express inner feelings.
A lump of clay or play dough for each person. Prepare for this experience by setting individual lumps of clay around the table. Place one at each chair. Allow children to choose this experience during free play. Begin by observing how the children use the clay. Are their movements forceful? Hesitant? Free? Controlled? Use the clay yourself. Take ideas from them. Repeat one of their motions to create a rhythm. Encourage the children to express themselves rather than copy you. Let them know that you expect the clay to stay in their spaces on the table. Judy, a teacher, joined the children in BASH, MASH, SMASH and facilitated their expression. "Jessica, tell me what you are doing with your play dough?" She reflects Jessica's answer. "Oh, look what Hollis did with his." Hollis begins pounding. Judy counts his pounds. All of the children begin pounding, first with one fist, then two. Judy asks if they can pound with their thumbs. The table quiets. One child begins to roll her dough and Judy encourages the others. Another child arrives and everyone offers him a piece of dough. Judy tells them how good it feels to see them share. Someone asks for a knife. "What part of your body could be used as a knife?" Billy is not sure how to roll his dough into a ball. Judy asks who can show him. As she makes a ball of dough, Judy wonders if the ball can roll across the table. Soon many big and little balls are rolling around. Noticing smiles, Judy asks what is making them smile. Jessica says, "sharing." |
| Reflections: | Notice how individual children respond to this activity. One parent
noted that her four year old enjoyed the soft, slow motions. Her five year
old liked the hard, pounding noise.
Children who are particularly expressive with clay could be given a chance to use it when they are upset or under unusual stress. Play dough, plasticine, and potter's clay provide very different experiences - the way they feel, move, and take shape. Try them all. |
| Variations: |
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Everyone is unique. Our genetic predispositions and environments come together to create who we are. Each of us has an individual style of behavior, a temperament. We are born with these characteristics which are modified as we interact with our parents and others in our environment.
In Your Child Is A Person. Dr. Stella Chess, Alexander Thomas, and Herbert Birch documented studies of more than 200 children and defined the following nine categories of temperament.6 Their temperament theory is a very useful framework for considering our own and our children's behavior and interactions.
6 Chess. Thomas. and Birch. Your Child Is A Person. New York. New York: Penguin Books. 1985.
1. Activity level: Some children are, from early infancy, very active. Other children are less active; still others are physically quiet.
2. Regularity: Children vary in the regularity of their biological functions. While some children eat and sleep at the same time every day, other children are entirely unpredictable.
3. Approach or withdrawal as a response to new situations: Some children meet new situations eagerly; others are hesitant.
4. Adaptability to change in routine: Some babies adjust easily and quickly when there is a change in routine; others have much more difficulty.
5. Level of sensory threshold: Some children respond to sounds, sights, and touch with tolerance and pleasure, while others fuss and cry at the slightest stimulation. Many children react with sensitivity or particular pleasure to one kind of stimulation (for example, loving or hating music).
6. Positive or negative mood: Some children have a preponderance of either positive or negative moods.
7. Intensity of response: Whether the mood is positive or negative, children show feelings with different amounts of energy. Some quietly smile when they are pleased, while others have a loud outburst.
8. Distractibility: Children vary in their concentration. The child who is not easily distracted will continue with a task no matter what is going on around her. Others will be quickly distracted.
9. Persistence and attention span: A persist ant child continues an activity in the face of difficulty or after interruption. Attention span is the amount of time a child attends to one thing.
It is important to a child's mental health that you accept her temperamental characteristics and become aware of your own. If your temperaments are mismatched, this can be hard to do. For example, if you are easily over stimulated, noise and activity bother you. Occasionally, a child in your class is very active and expresses herself energetically. Given your temperament, it is difficult to accept her.
Understanding the mismatch may help you build a relationship. Your role is to adjust your expectations to accommodate the child's temperament. She needs space to move without being disruptive. It would be inappropriate to ask her to sit for long periods or reprimand her for being restless. Your recognition of her needs will help her feel good about herself.
Think of the temperamental characteristics of the children in your classroom and how well they match your own. Are your expectations appropriate? How does your temperament affect the relationship? How can you be more accepting? With such awareness comes an increase in your potential to help children be and accept who they are.
If a child's temperamental characteristics seem consistently extreme
and interfere with her adapting to the classroom routine, you should request
assistance from a mental health professional. STRESS AND CHILDREN provides
guidance on the referral process.
| Benefits:
Materials: Groundwork: |
In a warm, sharing atmosphere, the children get to know a resourceful
character who is secure in himself, and enjoys his solitude.
Bear By Himself by Geoffrey Hayes, Harper and Row, 1976. As you pre-read the story, recall some of the "alone times" that you have most enjoyed and be prepared to share one with the children. Consider the ways you make such times possible for them even within the busy classroom. Practice reading the story out loud, feeling the pauses and experiencing the imagery. |
| The Experience: | Set a quiet tone. One teacher did this by asking the group to take
in a deep breath and let it out three times before she said softly, "Do
you hear the quiet?" Introduce the book by talking a bit in a positive
way about being alone. Let the children know that you will read the story
without stopping. Then read it for the peaceful rhythm, sensory images,
and simplicity.
Ask a few questions to prompt discussion. What do the children like to do all by themselves? What are some of the secret hiding places where they like to spend time alone? Have they ever heard a river "talk"? Most of us have enjoyed watching the clouds, a lovely sunset, or a rainbow. Describe a time you felt "alone and free." Some children may ask literal questions. "What is a lamp-lighter?" "What is the bear dreaming about?" Answers to these can lead to interesting conversation. |
| Reflections: | One teacher discovered that a "behavior problem" had actually come
from a child's need to get away from the group for a time. "I learned a
lot about Brian when we did this experience. He was hiding out of the classroom
just to be alone."
A common childhood fear is that of being abandoned. This story, used throughout the year, can help young children learn that being by oneself can be a happy, satisfying experience. |
| Variations: |
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These adult resource books may help carry out the goals of the Being Section:
Carr, Rachel. Be a Frog, a Bird, or a Tree. New York: Harper & Row Publishers, 1973.
Clemons, Sydney Gureivitz. The Sun's Not Broken. A Cloud's just In The Way. Mt. Rainer, Maryland: Gryphon House, 1983.
Karman, Shira and Emily Ransom. Creative Movement for the Young Child with Special Needs. Lexington, Massachusetts: Massachusetts Department of Mental Health, 1973.
Kritcheusky, Sybil and Elizabeth Prescott. Planning Environments for Young Children. Washington, D.C.: National Association for Education of Young Children, 1969.
Mc Clemahan, Pat and Ida Jagua. Cool Cooking for Kids. Belmont, California: David S. Lake Publishers, 1976.
Sullivan, Molly. Feeling Strong. Feeling Free: Movement Exploration
for Young Children. Washington, D.C.: National Association for Young
Children, 1982.